I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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