that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
