he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
