i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
