we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
