Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
