I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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