I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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