Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
