ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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