I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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