Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
