peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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