Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
