so explain again why im purple
no
they need to just BURY HIM!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
