What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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