i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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