the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
