Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
