I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
