that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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