fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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