His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize