Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
