i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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