Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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