We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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