therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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