to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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