So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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