from now on my penis is your penis
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Dicks are not precious.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize