those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
