note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
