go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize