So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
