I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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