i was born a porn star she said
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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