I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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