I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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