Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
