i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
3 2 1 whiskey
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
