just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
