remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
