i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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