So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
