just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
