i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
