Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
