the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize