Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
