My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
