cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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