ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
