my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
