I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
where are you?
Hypothermia
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
