Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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