I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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