Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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