do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
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