My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
