there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
