my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
