I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
