He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I AM VODKA MAN
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
