Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
if only i could text you this smell
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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