if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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