So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
